Seeing as I love Les Dawson so much, I thought a few articles on the rotund, gurning genius would be a bit of fun on a damp Monday…

The wife’s Mother said, “When you’re dead, I’ll dance in your grave.” I said: “Good, I’m being buried at sea.” 

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussard’s Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said, ‘Keep her moving sir, we’re stock-taking’ 

I said to the chemist, ‘Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?’ He said, ‘Why?’ I said, ‘She keeps waking up.’

I was in a play on TV once. It was one of those suspense plays. It kept you wondering… what’s on the other channels?

Duck goes into the chemist’s shop.
‘A tube of lipsol please.’
‘Certainly, that will be fifty pence.’
‘Put it on my bill, please.’

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