Now come on Frankie, you’re evidently not John Barrowman, Ricky Gervais or any other of the ubiquitous performers that we see on our screens these days - there’s no real reason for you to work yourself ragged appearing on Mock the Week in the middle of a massive UK tour.

You looked pretty shafted on last nights show, to be honest, and as a Scotsman who lives on beer and deep fried Mars bars, I can see you running into the wall pretty quickly.

Take it easy there, Mock the Week will still be there when you come back off tour.

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From time to time, subscribers to the excellent NewsBiscuit get a real treat. Occasionally, I like to alert your attention to this superb website.

What better way than with a news item entitled:

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse split; ‘Pestilence to go solo’

A spokesman for the legendary Horsemen of the Apocalypse has confirmed
rumours that the famous foursome are to split over ‘apocalyptic
differences’ following a statement from Pestilence that he intended to
concentrate on his solo career. ‘Pestilence has had a great time with
the guys over the past few millennia, but feels that the time has come
to move on’ said his manager to shocked journalists.

If you’ve never visited NewsBiscuit, I urge you to reconsider - the atmosphere is great and the user-generated content hilarious. I get a daily email via a subscription, and potentially anybody can write a spoof news article for inclusion on the main site.

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Lifted wholesale from my NewsBiscuit email:

Rural parishes unable to find permanent members of the clergy have been forced to bring in supply vicars whose inexperience and lack of authority has made them vulnerable to disruptive parishioners, says a new report.

One temporary priest was reduced to tears with heckling and catcalling during his sermon, and when he looked up he saw that all the church-goers had turned their pews round to face the opposite direction. ‘These young supply vicars do not have the experience to be able to hold the attention of wayward Christians,’ admitted the Archbishop of Canterbury. ‘The moment they turn their back they are pelted with screwed up service sheets and Alpha Course leaflets made into paper planes, and many of them just don’t know what to do.’

Genius!

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It is with regret that we have had to cancel this and 34 futher posts today due to a variety of teething problems.

We simply didn’t give the warnings of our technical team enough credit, and now it seems that their concerns - previously dismissed as fearmongering and terrorist sympathetic - were in fact correct.

Of course in our bid for ever increasing share value, we couldn’t be seen to be faltering or display signs of weakness in the run up to the launch of Page 35 of Quintessential Comedy.  Indeed, we’re in the middle of a global recession, so that kind of behaviour just wouldn’t do.

As for those affected, who might have lost their reading matter for the rest of the day, or even our shareholders, I say this:

Here’s £100 quid.  That won’t get you a night at a local hotel as they’ve put their prices up to capitalise on this mistake.  But at least we look like we care, and you can always sleep on the floor, just over there behind Starbucks.

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Also on BBC Four this evening is The Frost Report is Back! a tribute to the man behind televisual satire.

It’s got quite a roll call too, with Sir David Frost – fresh from the Middle East – chatting to Ronnie Corbett, Terry Jones, Barry Cryer, Sheila Steafel, Julie Felix, Denis Norden, Sir Antony Jay, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Michael Palin, David Nobbs and John Cleese.

This is also part of the Curse of Comedy themed season of programs, and frankly the BBC are spoiling us.  Programming of this nature is what serious fans of comedy shout out for, and I hope ratings reflect the demand. 

The Frost Report is Back! premiers at 9pm, with a repeat at 1am in the morning.

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Let’s get this out of the way first - I like Marcus Brigstocke; he’s funny, witty, inventive, responds in an original and disarmingly honest manner to challenges, and contributes well to shows such as Have I Got News for You.

I first saw him on We Are History back in the UK Play era, and I’ve been keeping an eye on him ever since.  I even agree with his politics - up to a point. (more…)

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Daily in my email inbox is the latest bonkers news story from spoof news site Newsbiscuit.com.

Started by John O’Farrell (occasional guest on Have I Got News for You), Newsbiscuit offers the opportunity for you to write spoof news items, and if they’re particularly good they become front page content, and as such might be the piece in the daily mailing.

And no, I’ve never made the daily mailing.

Recent highlights have included:

Referees ‘should wear uniforms when off duty’

Schools admission row; non-wizards offered Hogwarts

Essex man completes ‘all the porn on the internet’

If you’ve not joined in yet, I would recommend it heartily for anyone who is interested in developing their comedy writing.

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